Hi beautiful readers,
After a short hiatus, I have completely re-written A 4th of July to Remember. After finishing book 3, the final book in this series(maybe. Laura’s story may be a 4th book), I realized that Maddie has some very strange issues. She is Psychotic and blames her sexual promiscuity on the death of her parents.
I have re-written the story to reflect what her story is really all about. Maddie is close to my heart and I owe it to her and my other characters to tell the true story. The new title is The Erotic Psychosis of Maddie Malone.
Throughout the new version, Maddie tries to cope with her desires. Her need for pain, her need to feel something.
“Maddie heard the desperate whine of a Cessna engine seeking atmosphere overhead as she walked to her car. She flashed back to her last shrink session.”
Maddie’s conversation with her shrink. August 15th, after her Kennewick vacation.
Maddie: I knew Ronnie Hatcher would be at the party in Kennewick, so I stopped seeing other men. I kind of went celibate for a minute. I thought if I connected with something from the past… a person, a feeling, a familiar feeling, a feeling like before, before the accident, then I might have some control over my sexual urges, my sexual promiscuity.
Dr. Liz: And how did that make you feel?
Maddie: Lost. I had nothing to connect to, to latch on to. Oh, I knew it was just physical, but doctor, have you ever just needed to be hugged? I can’t seem to get satisfied. The need… no, the hurt is so deep it’s like a hole that can’t be filled. You shovel in the dirt, cement, gravel… the sex and nothing, nothing ever fills it and you remain empty.
There was silence.
Dr. Liz: Did you feel anything at all for the young man, Ronnie?
Maddie: Yes, yes I did, but it didn’t fill me up, not the way I need to be filled, anyway.
Dr. Liz: And which way is that, Maddie?
Maddie: Pain. I didn’t feel the extreme pain. The pain fills me, completes me, heals me, makes me real.
Dr. Liz: and are you real now?
Maddie: No. I’m just taking up space, floating in a suspended state, on the edge. Not really here and not really anywhere. I’m present, then I’m not. I have no anchor to reality. Then I have this strange, erotic dream all the time. A devil, a motorcycle, red sand, insane brutal sex. The dream pulls me in and I long for relief, but it eludes me each time and still… I’m not satisfied.
Dr. Liz: and how does that make you feel?
Maddie: Scared, alone, distant from others, from life… my life. I play the game. My outer self survives, but in here doctor, (Maddie placed her hand over her heart) deep inside, the only way to reach it is through sex. Hard, rough, brutal, painful sex. The pain morphs into a foggy pleasure. It’s the only relief I feel, but then that’s only temporary.
Hoping for a re release by the end of Feb.